The Argumentative Zebra Society

Cassandra de Alba

The Argumentative Zebra Society meets on alternate Thursdays in the basement of the Methodist church downtown. The zebras sit in folding chairs and disagree about the weather, the state of society, the relative merits of metal or wooden folding chairs – all shouting over each other, waving their forelegs to punctuate every point. Some of the zebras drink watery coffee, but between the wild gesticulating and the slip of styrofoam between hooves, most of the coffee ends up on the floor, the folding chairs, and the zebras themselves; the more exuberant of their number seem sepia-toned by the end of their meetings. As a rule, zebras drink their coffee black. As a rule, zebras like things to be either black or white, so meetings often drag on late into the night, with no zebra willing to concede an inch. Favorite zebra topics include the Fruit Stripe gum mascot (species-ist caricature or positive role model), if a secret herd of Quagga live deep in the grasslands of Africa, and whether the inventor of dazzle camouflage has given them adequate credit as a species. The zebras especially like this last topic because they all feel that they are owed things, that they have been personally wronged by an unjust world.