Most Helpful 3 Star Review For The Samsung Galaxy S4

Chris Jordan

i am meticulous about my preferences. the layout of my
icons and widgets must be logical and efficient
as a computer should be.
my phone’s alert sound is a normal sounding beep.
i want it to sound like a low hum. i think that would be cool.
a high degree of customization is a selling point to me.
my friend alex uses his phone to play youtube videos on his tv,
which i assert is insane. who uses that feature outside of the commercial?

writing a bunch of texts makes me feel like a normal person,
like i always see people doing that, texting.
i check my phone at least 100 times a day and receive maybe
3 unsolicited texts.
sometimes i get two in a row that say: “vzw:
you have used 50% of your data for this month.”

i got tinder but i used it only to pretend to be a dog.
i combined tinder with a gps spoofer
and i traveled to tokyo, moscow, berlin, and glasgow.
girls all over the world like corgis.
they also like weed and watching netflix.

my phone has so many purposes
it goes wherever i go now, just in case i’m needed.
it is actually impossible to not reach me when i have my phone.
i want to throw my phone into the chesapeake bay
but that’s environmentally irresponsible so i’ll just keep it.